Why wait?

This poem was inspired after talking with a group of women about the challenges of peri/menopause. I sat with a friend who wholeheartedly holds space for me despite what might be going on for her and this is what arose.

It is a poem about the challenges and times of overwhelm, of being a woman – mother, wife, lover, friend, daughter. It is about what perimenopause and menopause ask of us – to pause and to become present for ourselves.  When we deepen our connection with ourselves, with the Divine, with our friends, families and partners, we are unmasked and seen for the essence of who we are. And we can begin to heal.

Why wait?

Chest rises and falls. 
Shall I stay or shall I go?
To where I can breathe again. 
Not enough air in here for all of us. 

They stand on my chest to reach the highest fruit.
I’m swallowed up into the earth,
Greedy gulping breaths so what’s left,
Is no space on my side of the bed. 

Is this all, because I was made for so much more, 
Life?

Light sucked out of me, a tiny flicker left.
Almost invisible except to me.
The flicker calls to me and doesn’t lie,
Go, grow, be you, why wait? 

Until you’ve dissolved into the earth. 
Oh I hear you! It’s safe and certain trapped in here.
Sameness means I don’t have to think.
My mask hides my, tired, dull eyes. 
Defeat, fatigue, indefatigable. 

What are you afraid of? 
Stopping, starting again……oh the effort! 
Losing everything when there is no thing to lose.
Alone, just me and my flicker of light. 

Scared my heart will break open,
Like a stuffed suitcase on a baggage carousel.
Unprotected dirty laundry,
For everyone to see.

Is this all, because I was made for so much more, 
Love? 

Flickers and catches alight.
It’s me I see reflected in another’s eyes. 
And then it happens.
I am seen, wholly seen. 
I am heard, when before there were no words. 
I listen with every cell of my body, 

And the words lift me up like a prayer. 
Flying, no longer earthbound.
No more black and white, the earth has colour. 
No blocks between heart and head.
It’s a freakin’ 4 lane highway. 

But wait, it’s dangerous and terrible being deeply seen.
I can never unsee,
I can never unhear, 
I can never unknow,
Who I am.

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